I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
