Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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