i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
