3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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