things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
