hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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