i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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