Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize
