she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
