Just fell off a train. Bad.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
