Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
