Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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