please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
