Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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