can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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