Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
