She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And then he peed in my hair
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