i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
