Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
