My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
