THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
