What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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