I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
