i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
