i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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