So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
