Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
