some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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