ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is Oprah even human
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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