he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
