I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
