why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
