I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
