Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
