i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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