I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she peed on how many people?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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