We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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