I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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