see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
