I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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