it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
