problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
