When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
