i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
