soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
