He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We need a shit load of segways right now
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
