last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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