i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
