I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
