I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's rum buckets o'clock
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
