My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
