Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
